Relationship.
We have relationships with our spouses, our children, our parents, our colleagues, and our neighbors. We even talk about our relationships with food, God, iPhones, cars, and money.
Because I’m an analytical, left-brain gal, I like to ponder the words we use. Because I’m a history teacher, I like to research the origins of words ~ when did humans start using this word? What did it originally mean? To what other concepts is it related?
So I researched relationship.
And I learned some interesting things.
- Relationship is commonly defined as “a connection, an association, or an involvement.”
- Relationship was not used to refer to a romantic or sexual partnership until the 1940s.
- The English word relationship derives from the Middle English word relacion, which derives from the Latin relatio.
- Though the word “relationship” is a noun, the root words from which it is derived are verbs.
At the risk of writing what might sound like the opening of a prosaic graduation speech {“Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘commencement’ as…”}, I would like to share with you a brief meditation on the meaning of relationship.
The Latin word relatio has several meanings, including laying of matter before the Senate; narration or recitation of evidence; carrying, bringing or throwing back; paying back or rendering; and restoring.
I love that relationship derives from words connoting action and movement. Like life itself, relationships are not static; they are constantly evolving and changing and shifting. Our relationship with our spouse is different from the day we married. Our relationships with our children are always evolving. Relationship is an act.
The Act of Relationship Involves…
Restoring
On Tuesday morning, my relationship with my daughter was characterized by arguing, by “You’re the meanest mommy EVER!”, and by seven-going-on-fourteen sass and attitude. By Wednesday morning, it had been restored to “I love you, Mommy,” and “You are the best mommy EVER.”
Narrating Events
Our relationships with others are made up of stories. My relationship with my husband has deepened and grown through a series of events, which we now retell to our children, who love looking at our wedding pictures.
My always deepening connection with my children can be relayed through the narration of events of their lives, which they love to relive through their baby books. We pour over the pages, seeing who they were and who they’re becoming. We tell stories of birthday parties and Christmases and first words and first steps, and all of those memories are connected to the important people in their lives.
Connecting
Relationships are ultimately about connection. When I think of connection in relationships, I think of Namaste: “the divinity in me honors the divinity in you.” Relationship is a way of living Namaste. It is seeing the divine, the common humanity, in others. It is what engenders empathy and compassion.
Rendering
I love that this word is linked to relationship. Our relationships sustain us through the support, encouragement, empathy, and love rendered unto us. We sustain others through the gifts we give and the loving acts we perform.
Laying of Matter Before the Senate/Throwing Back
I really like this one, because to me, this is the not-so-pretty part of relationship. It’s the hard part. It’s the “I take the kids to school every morning, I buy the groceries, I make the beds, I cook every dinner…” arguments that often punctuate our marriages. It is the recitation of evidence, of all we have done in our relationship that we throw back in our loved one’s face. We might even refer to these as the “tests” and “trials” of our relationship. We sometimes need to lay bare the evidence, and assess what must be carried, restored, or transformed. Because our relationships are not static ~ they are dynamic and alive. And though we may wax poetic about relationship, not all of them are healthy. Sometimes the connections may end.
Don’t forget the -ship!
The –ship portion of relationship derives from Old English {-sciepe} and German {-schaft}, which mean state, condition of being, and to create, ordain, or appoint. I love the religious connotation of ordain. Through the act of relationship, we create sacred connection. We render compassion, we create the stories that sustain us, we endure the trials, and we restore and repair. Again and again.
*****
This post is a barely passable attempt at the Finish the Sentence Friday linkup. I think I addressed at least 60% of the statement, “When it comes to my past relationships, my partner/spouse thinks…” And in my classes, 60% is a passing grade. I started researching the word to consider the possible relationships I could write about, so if we’re grading on effort, it could even be, like, a C.
You can likely find on-task responses to the statement from my over-achieving blogger friends by clicking the image below:
- A Mindful Approach to New Year’s Resolutions - January 13, 2020
- Just This Next Step - December 16, 2019
- WAIT: A Mindfulness Practice for Waiting in Line - December 9, 2019
