Can you remember how you envisioned yourself as a mother before you had children? I distinctly remember, while pregnant with my first child, envisioning serene days at home with a sweetly sleeping baby, gently rocking my tiny bundle in a clean and organized nursery, and nursing her while listening to classical music on NPR. {I’ll pause for you to finish laughing}. I dreamed of days spent coloring with my daughter, playing Barbies, and doing ponytails and playing beauty salon.
The nursery was clean and organized, but not much of that vision materialized into reality once I became a mother. In fact, I realized the other day that it had been a long time since I simply sat and colored with my children. And the last time we played Barbies, well… I managed to turn “playing Barbie pet groomer” into “let’s organize all the Barbies into properly-labeled bins.”
Why is it so hard for me to just play with my kids?
As soon as we walk in the door from work and school, I have dishes to clean up and papers to grade and dinner to make and homework to supervise and dance lessons to drive to… and before I know it, it’s time for baths and bedtime. Why isn’t play on the To-Do List?
I have discovered that my challenging and frustrating parenting moments usually occur when I am trying to do something other than parent. The more I get pulled away from my children, the more they demand my attention. They ask me for something, but I am distracted, so they get impatient, and I get frustrated, and they get whiney, so I get annoyed… and it generally goes downhill from there.
Certainly, all those chores and tasks do need to get done. But yesterday, I revised the afternoon To-Do List.
When we got home, the top priority on the To-Do list was “Coloring.”
I put away my phone, I let the dishes and papers wait, and we got out the markers, crayons, and coloring books. We colored. The three of us colored and chatted about our day. We colored like it was the only thing, the most important thing, we had to do.
I resisted the urge to clean out the paper drawer, and to sort the crayons, markers, and pencils back into their proper plastic containers. Instead, I colored a picture of Donald Duck and discussed the differences between Pluto and Goofy, and the color of Minnie Mouse’s eyes.
My three-year-old was full of compliments:
“Abby, that’s cool!”
“Oooohhh, I like your picture!”
We always feel like we have to be busy, don’t we? Certainly coloring is not a productive use of time, is it? I think it’s that pull to busy-ness that makes me feel like I shouldn’t “indulge” in something frivolous {like coloring}, but should do something that’s actually on the To-Do list, like cleaning up those stains I noticed while coloring at the coffee table.
But what could be more important than giving our full attention to our children? So often, I’m so busy tending to all of their other needs {feeding, cleaning, and clothing them}, that I don’t make time for the most important thing they need from me:
“Attention is the most basic form of love.” ~ John Tarrant
Our coloring time didn’t last long ~ after 10 minutes, the kids had lost interest in coloring, and I had a dinner to prepare.
And then my three-year-old started crying because he wanted to be covered up with the blanket, and when I didn’t do it quickly enough he stuck out his tongue at me.
And then my six-year-old had a meltdown because she couldn’t find the tape for her next project.
And Mommy, who normally is exhausted by that time of day and might have responded with harsh words or exasperation, remained calm. The mindful moments of coloring were like a calming meditation, and I remembered “my children are not their tantrums.” Though my son did end up needing a timeout, within a few minutes calm had been restored, the children had quieted, and I made dinner.
I am a busy working mom, but I know I can find the time each day after school for play, or coloring, or a game. It’s a time of transition for all of us ~ from teacher to mother, from student to sister, from school to home. Instead of bringing the frantic pace of the day into the evening, we can bring mindfulness to our afternoon and direct our attention to what matters most.
In fact, I’m going to start putting play at the top of my To-Do List.
- A Mindful Approach to New Year’s Resolutions - January 13, 2020
- Just This Next Step - December 16, 2019
- WAIT: A Mindfulness Practice for Waiting in Line - December 9, 2019
