From The Gender Ads Project. Not certain of the year, but… seriously?
A few months ago, I wrote this post about how our cultural ideal of motherhood is portrayed in parenting magazines. Not surprisingly, the messages were variations on two main themes: 1) only mothers know how to properly parent, and 2) they enjoy every moment of said proper parenting. In the comments on that post, we talked about how surprised we were that advertisements still perpetuated these ideas about motherhood, but how we ultimately knew that advertisements are not reality.
Well, yes and no. As Jean Kilbourne says, we need to do something we rarely do: take advertising seriously. Advertisements sell not only products, but ideas about normalcy. And they must influence us, or advertisers would not spend $4 million for a 30-second SuperBowl spot.
Last week, I wrote this piece for the Huffington Post about how it’s okay if parents don’t love every minute of parenting. While I am thrilled that my piece was published there, I was surprised to see that the editors tagged the article as “Mom Confessions” and “Parenting Confessions.” Not loving every minute of parenting is a confession? What sin have I committed?
Well, my latest parenting magazine arrived {I subscribed after that last post so I could conduct some research}, and I can see why admitting that not enjoying diapering and taking care of sick children might be considered a transgression of the commandments of parenting.
Are you ready for the joy ride?
And remember, mama, you’re the only one who can do this…
I’ve never been to a Gymboree class, so I cannot verify that it is only moms who attend. Guess all those dads are working the 9 to 5.
Okay, this baby is adorable. I’m sure Dad would like to give him a bath, too?
Even an article about not spoiling our children with too much “stuff” perpetuates gender stereotypes of what boys and girls should play with:
Harry Potter goes to the circus with trucks and construction materials…
… while sister dresses up as a princess and joins the Lollipop Guild. But hold the sweets for her, please? {see caption}
And if those lollipops make them sick? That’s all good and fun, too!
Have you noticed all of these Tylenol ads feature women taking care of the sick child?
I’m pretty sure this is the last thing I would do with my child upon hearing “My tummy hurts!” {And why isn’t she wearing pants?}
Oh good! Mom confession time:
Seriously, that’s a confession? I call that “every week.”
Not everything was about joy and perfection. I liked that they recommended this read, about why parents don’t like parenting:
Maybe it’s because magazines make us think it’s supposed to be all fun?
And I liked this article about some of the things to expect — the milestones — of new motherhood {like accidentally hurting your child, and discovering your new body}:
… until a few pages later, I saw this ad that lets you know what you need to do upon discovering what that new body looks like:
*****
So it continues. If you’d like to read variations on a different theme, about the nuance and ambivalence and roller-coaster ride of motherhood, here are some of the books that I have read recently that I think are fascinating looks at modern motherhood:
Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety by Judith Warner
Warner describes a new “problem that has no name:”: the “Mommy Mystique.” “The feeling has many faces but it doesn’t really have a name. It’s not depression. It’s not oppression. It’s a mix of things, a kind of too-muchness. An existential discomfort.” A fascinating look at why so many mothers today suffer from anxiety and guilt and exhaustion.
The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women by Elisabeth Badinter
Badinter is a French feminist, but I found her analyses applicable to American motherhood as well. She writes about cultural ideals of motherhood, as well as how our assumptions about the “naturalism” of motherhood impact women today. And she has some fascinating insights on ambivalence.
Why Have Kids? by Jessica Valenti
Valenti also tackles the naturalism fetish about motherhood today, and considers how our language about motherhood {“it’s the hardest job in the world!”} affects mothers today.
Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink by Katrina Alcorn
Alcorn writes of her experiences balancing work and motherhood — you can read my review here.
The Good Mother Myth edited by Avital Nathman Norman
A collection of essays by mothers describing what real motherhood is like. You can read my review here.
*****
I realize all these titles sound like diatribes against motherhood — they’re not! I think some of the titles are about generating buzz and attracting interest. They are written by mothers who love their children, and love being mothers … just not all the time.
And I think we should take them seriously, too.
- A Mindful Approach to New Year’s Resolutions - January 13, 2020
- Just This Next Step - December 16, 2019
- WAIT: A Mindfulness Practice for Waiting in Line - December 9, 2019
