On Target: How We Can Actually, Seriously Learn About Mindfulness Inside the Big Box

Anyone who knows me knows I love Target. Not even a nation-wide credit card system failure keeps me from making my weekly pilgrimage to this mecca, which for me is actually located in a city named Medina, as I hunt down and gather the necessary items for my family’s survival.

Oh, how my less-evolved ancestors would have loved this oasis! It’s staffed with expert trackers dressed in easy-to-spot red and khaki, the store is full of food already gathered and prepared, with stylish clothes and bedding to keep us warm, and designer blenders for our morning smoothies.

And guess what?

Target can also teach us valuable lessons in mindfulness.

Seriously.

1. Desire comes, desire goes.

One of the things we may discover as we practice mindfulness is that the reason we suffer is because we desire things– we long for what we don’t have, or we wish for things to be other than they are. There’s no better place to learn about desire than Target: a brightly lit, well-stocked emporium designed specifically to trigger ALL THE WANTS.

“I only came here for cereal and batteries and socks (and how wonderful that I can buy all three of those things in the same place!), but I totally want that super cute summer drinkware set! And, yes, I do need a new bright pink shag pillow for my bedroom! And, hello, those shoes are ADORABLE!”

Mindfulness teaches us to be aware of our desires. We can observe the excitement and giddiness that retail therapy can bring. We can watch desire turn into craving — not just “Oh, that’s pretty!” but “That’s so pretty and I need it!” We might feel a tightening, a panicky feeling that it might not be here next week if we don’t buy it today because it’s already marked down to 30% off!

But if we don’t give in to the craving, and instead observe it with a friendly curiosity, we’ll notice that, like most other thoughts and impulses, it will subside.

Fortunately, Target has approximately 136 aisles where you can practice this repeatedly. Endcap displays are especially recommended — but should probably be left to advanced practitioners.

2. Tantrums don’t actually last that long.

Has your child ever thrown a tantrum at Target?

We’ve all been there. And when it happens, we feel like the entire store is staring at us and judging our terrible parenting skills and wondering WHY WON’T THAT KID CALM DOWN?!?

But have you ever been at Target when someone else’s child is throwing a tantrum?

Have you noticed that the tantrums from other kids at Target don’t set you off? We are biologically primed to respond quickly and intensely to our own child’s cries so that we can rescue them from whatever environmental threat they are facing (like not getting Cocoa Puffs), but we likely don’t react in panic to another toddler.

I sometimes notice that other kids’ screams just kind of blend into the background along with the chatter and movement and other sounds of the jungle store. And when I do become aware of another child’s tantrum, I realize how short they are and how much of a non-event they usually are for the other hunters shoppers.

So when your child throws a tantrum at Target, know that we’ve all been there, we’re not all staring at you, and it will end really soon. Breathe.

3. All conditioned things are impermanent.

School supplies in July, Halloween costumes in August, and Christmas decorations in October. Perhaps nowhere else can we see reminders of the swift passage of time and seasons than in that back corner of Target. Instead of freaking out when you see Easter baskets before you’ve even gathered candies for your Valentine, let it serve as a reminder to remain in the present even when retailers would have us using our highly evolved brains to plan way into the future.

4. Emotions are contagious. Smile.

You will likely witness the full range of the human emotional experience at Target — from anger and frustration (see #2 above), to crabbiness and irritation (see the long line at checkout #17), to elation and joy (see the 90%-off jewelry clearance). Neuroscience research now tells us that our emotions are contagious — even without knowing it, we pick up the moods of those around us. After you use the hand sanitizer at the entrance to protect future users of your cart, stop to consider the emotions you’ll be spreading in the store. Will you be hurried and impatient and rude? Or will you smile and be gracious?

5. There are thousands of daily opportunities to practice…

…patience: I spent a mere three months of my life working in retail (at Pottery Barn during the holidays). It was long enough for me to cultivate a sincere empathy for retail employees — they’re not paid very much, they’re on their feet all day, and a lot of people are really rude to them. It’s not the cashier’s fault that the lines are long, or that the price is ringing up wrong, or that the exact vacuum cleaner model you really wanted is out of stock. Let that long checkout line be an opportunity to breathe and practice patience.

…connection: Smile at the checkout person and engage in a conversation with them. Put your phone down and connect with a fellow human being. Once I’ve laid down my hunting weapons coupons and Cartwheel app, I like to chat with the cashier. Sometimes they even give me advice for the next hunt and future available prey markdowns.

…compassion: When you do see the screaming child, give your best I’ve-been-there-too smile at the parents. I once spilled the entire contents of my coupon file all over the pasta aisle, and a very kind person stopped to help me pick up the mess. Those little things are actually REALLY BIG THINGS.

…gratitude: When I was in high school, my family hosted a woman visiting the United States from the just-recently-collapsed Soviet Union. On a trip to Target with my family, she guarded all the items in the cart, unable to believe the bounty we had acquired would not be stolen by a fellow shopper. The translator even intimated that taking her to the abundant big box retail stores in the land of capitalist wealth bordered on cruelty. This was over 20 years ago, and I still think of it each time I shop. Though I may not be able to afford all the pretty shiny things on display, I am incredibly grateful for what I have and the ease with which I can acquire the things my family needs.

6. We’re all connected.

It’s pretty rare that I visit Target without running into a friend, a neighbor, a colleague, a student, or the parents of a student. While sometimes this can feel distracting or even awkward (do my students really need to know my deodorant brand?), it’s a powerful reminder of the web of human connection in which we exist. We already have the opportunity to acquire most of our needed goods for survival online, but many of us still make the weekly trek to the communal watering hole. Take a moment to relish your connection to your community as you decide on the perfect relish for your family dinner.

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And that, my fellow humans, is how we can practice mindfulness during what may seem like a mindless activity. Stay on target, think inside the big box, and don’t forget your bow and arrow coupons and smile.

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Target photo credit: robholland via photopin cc (modified with permission)