Right Now, It’s Like This

My favorite definition of mindfulness is the one below, from James Baraz:

I’ve shared that definition many times. About a year ago, a reader emailed me to tell me he had printed that quote on a sticky note and attached it to his computer at work. But he had reached an impasse.

He wrote that he was quite stressed about work, and though he meditates daily, he noticed that his mind was more distracted than usual. He wasn’t sleeping well and was feeling nauseous and panicky during the day. (Can anyone relate?)

He told me he was getting stuck on that quote. How do I feel like this and NOT wish it were different? How could I possibly WANT to feel this way?

It’s a GREAT question. It can be difficult to be fully present during even the most wondrous moments of our lives, so how do we manage to cultivate presence and equanimity during the most challenging parts of our lives?

There’s a lot to this question, but fundamentally it is about resistance. We spend SO much of our day resisting the present moment.

“I don’t want to be here. I wish I was there.”

“I don’t want to be doing this. I wish I was doing that instead.”

We can even spend our meditation sessions in resistance.

We might enter a phase where our attention wanders much more frequently when we try to practice mindfulness. It’s important to know that mind-wandering is a totally normal and expected thing. Minds secrete thoughts the way stomachs secrete digestive enzymes — it’s just what they do!

We might have been in a routine of mindfulness practice where we had “good” meditation sessions: we felt focused, and when our mind drifted away in thought, we quickly noticed and returned our attention to our breath. We might have even thought, “I’m pretty good at this,” and then we got a bit attached to that practice. We created an expectation that “this is how it is supposed to be.”

When we enter a period of turmoil (at work, home, or wherever), we may notice more distraction, or perhaps dullness and fogginess, or lots of mental chatter when we practice mindfulness. We may miss our “good” sessions and wish our current practice was different. “I wish I was having a more peaceful meditation session. I wish I wasn’t having all these thoughts. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.”

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

That phrase can get us into so much trouble! While I don’t believe our lives are predestined in any way, or that certain things are “supposed” to happen, it isn’t much of a stretch to see that the way things are right now is simply the result of thousands upon thousands of choices and conditions and actions over a lifetime. The way things are right now is just the way they are, based on the way all the previous moments have unfolded. So, in a way, this IS the way things are “supposed” to be right now.

And yet we resist. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be!

When we resist the experiences and thoughts and emotions that are arising in our practice, or in our life, we’re actually spending our time practicing resistance, not mindfulness!

Our practice is to simply notice the distraction, the chatter, the discomfort, the pain, the sadness, the nausea, the racing pulse, the irritation, or whatever else happens to be present in this moment. We can tell ourselves, “This is what it’s like right now. It’s not calm, it’s not peaceful. It’s like this.”

Baraz says we shouldn’t spend the moment “wishing it were different.” That’s quite tricky! How could I WANT it to be this way? But the opposite of “not wishing it were different” is not “wanting it to be this way.” The opposite of “not wishing it were different” is acceptance; it means we’re not trying to change what it’s like right now.

Acceptance means we’re not resisting.

Accept that right now, it’s like this. You don’t have to like it, but you don’t have to fight it, either. In fact, fighting reality usually just makes whatever is happening feel a whole lot worse.

This is essentially the concept of equanimity — which is sometimes translated as “non-interfering.” You’re not wanting to feel this way, but you’re not interfering with it either. You are simply sitting with it and noticing it.

I used to struggle with panic attacks and anxiety, which were quite unpleasant, and what I found helpful was to get really close to my experience and try to stay with the raw physical sensations I was experiencing. This would keep me in my body, and would help prevent panicky thoughts like “What’s wrong?!? Am I going to have a panic attack? What should I do!?! This sucks!!!”

When I became aware of these sensations, I would say to myself, “I notice my heart is racing. I notice my hands are shaking. I notice my stomach is rumbling…” Instead of thinking “I am panicked!”, I would keep my focus on what things were actually like in that moment.

These days, when I notice something arise that I may not “want,” I find it helpful to use a variation of a Thich Nhat Hanh mantra: “Breathing in, I notice my racing heart. Breathing out, I accept my racing heart.” Or “Breathing in, I notice my shaking hands. Breathing out, I invite my hands to rest.”

Once I can sit with and accept the physical sensations that are present, and settle my nervous system a bit, I can then gently investigate. What is here? I may not get the answer right away, but I may notice that it’s worry, or fear, or love, or anger, or something else.

I might then say, “Breathing in, I see that sadness is present. Breathing out, I hold my sadness with tenderness.”

Knowing and accepting that I’m sad (or angry or hurt or whatever it may be) is helpful information. My acceptance of this moment can inform the skillful action I may take in the next moment to try to make things better. Or I may realize that no action is actually needed. I only needed a moment of tender presence.

Being able to notice what’s happening, and then to hold our experience with gentle curiosity and without resistance, is a simple-but-not-easy practice that we never get “good” at — which is why we call this a practice! Cultivating present moment awareness and acceptance is a skill that we work on our entire life.

Further Your Practice: Right Now, It’s Like This

My teacher Vinny Ferraro (who was featured on CNN last year!) frequently reminds us that “Right now, it’s like this.” He says this phrase resonates with people “who are tired of pretending that life is not hard.” It’s a call to explore the present moment, a call to feel instead of act. You can learn more — and find meditation instructions for this practice from Vinny — here.