When I give a presentation about mindfulness, the most common question people ask me at the end of my session is this: “How has mindfulness helped YOU?”
I think what they’re really asking is, Is this whole meditation thing worth it? Am I actually going to see some changes in my life if I do this?
Those are great questions. I share a lot of research and statistics in my presentations about increases in gray matter and changes in gene expression and lowered cortisol levels, and people respond with impressed head nods. But what really moves and excites them is when someone asks,
“How has meditation helped YOU?”
and I respond with,
“Well, I laugh a lot more now.”
And that’s just one of the reasons I keep doing it.
I tell them I wake up at 4:45am every morning* and meditate for 20-30 minutes. Their eyes get wide.
I’m sure they’re thinking, WOW. That’s like THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING NIGHT.
But I do it, every morning*, because this ritual sustains me.
I love sleep and rest and comfy sheets and pillows, but knowing I am headed to my gorgeous meditation space to spend some quiet moments in contemplative stillness gets me out of bed in the middle of the freaking night every morning*.
It’s not even a struggle.
I can’t say that about everything I could get up early for. I once tried getting up at 5am every day to do Jillian Michaels DVDs. That lasted three days.
But meditation? EVERY. DAY.*
(I don’t do it in full makeup and fancy earrings like this lady, though.
Then I’d have to get up IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING NIGHT.)
The moments I spend in stillness in the morning have become a sacred ritual {even though I’m a secular humanist. Whatever.} I wrap myself in my fluffy robe, sit down on my cushion, and cover myself in a fleece blanket. I sip my yummy flavored coffee. I light a mandarin- and lavender-scented candle. I breathe deeply. I open the Insight Timer meditation app {just like the Buddha did.} I sit and breathe … and think … and realize I’m thinking … and breathe ….
My house is completely silent. My children are asleep. My husband is one of those people who wakes up and GOES FOR A RUN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING NIGHT at 4:45am, so everything is completely still. These are the quietest moments of my day.
I cannot even remember the last time I hit the snooze button — I LOVE getting out of bed for this.
For 30 minutes, I cultivate calm and ease and stillness. I can dip into that stability when I need it during the noisy, hard, decaffeinated, and unscented portions of my day.
I laugh more during the day.
I smile more.
I am genuinely a happier person since I started meditating. I especially noticed this after I returned from my week-long retreat last summer. I remember a moment laughing on the couch with my kids and thinking that my laughter felt deep and authentic and joyful. It came easily. Dan Harris is right — meditation will make us at least 10% Happier.
Things just seem funnier to me. Maybe it’s because I don’t make the little things into big things any more. Maybe it’s because I realize just how quickly my children are growing and changing and how goofy they are right now and how I want to remember the silly little things that could be annoyances but are actually really funny when I just experience them in the moment.
{Case in point: I just overheard my daughter yell at my son in the family room: “WHAT!? You’re meditating with NO PANTS ON?!?” I could get upset that he doesn’t have pants on and we need to leave the house soon. Or I could laugh because THAT IS RIDICULOUSLY FUNNY.}
Does this mean I am happy ALL THE TIME? No.
Meditation makes us MORE human, not less so. We still experience the full spectrum of the human condition, living what Jon Kabat-Zinn calls “the full catastrophe.” Good things and bad things still happen. Meditation teaches us how to relate to the full catastrophe, with compassionate attention.
A few weeks ago I led a session on mindfulness for the new teachers at my school. Afterwards, one of them asked me, “So, do you never get mad anymore?”
I still get mad.
But here’s the thing — I can recognize when I am mad, and I know that I can control my anger, rather than letting it control me.
I’m not perfect. Sometimes my anger does get the better of me. Sometimes I yell and act … unskillfully. {By the way, let me just say that “unskillful” is probably the best word Buddhism has given us. “That wasn’t stupid. It was unskillful.” SO MUCH BETTER.}
Those unskillful reactions are a lot less frequent than they used to be.
And the laughter and smiles are a lot more frequent than they used to be.
We can ride the roller coaster of our lives in sheer terror, gripping the safety bar and screaming in desperation. Or we can throw our hands in the air and enjoy the one ride we get to take.
That’s why I get up at 4:45am every morning* to meditate.**
Why I Wake Up at 4:45am Every Day to Meditate Tweet
*sometimes I sleep in on weekends. ’til like 6am sometimes.
**with my pants on.
Cool News!
I’m currently putting together my first e-course: Brilliant Mindful YOU! Mindfulness for Beginners. Click the image below (or click here) to learn a bit more (and to watch a short video lesson with me on taking a mindful pause!) More details about the course will be shared in the upcoming weeks!
***You can also comment below with any questions you have about starting a mindfulness practice — I want to make sure the course addresses the topics you want to know about!***
*this post contains affiliate links.
- A Mindful Approach to New Year’s Resolutions - January 13, 2020
- Just This Next Step - December 16, 2019
- WAIT: A Mindfulness Practice for Waiting in Line - December 9, 2019
